It was enough to see the face. It always is. I don't know today's date but we're approaching the dawn of the year. It seems that some of us are getting older and older, or grow tired, or continue getting absorbed by themselves, in themselves. I'm creating more distance day by day. I don'y want to but it's happening because I'm getting more and more erased. How many selves can one loose, how varied, how come was she only 19 years old? Maybe we're all just terribly self-absorbed, like that's how we grew up anyway. How do I snap out of it? What to do, say or undo, unsay? I want me back.
Lubię tu to, że drogi po których tu codziennie chodzimy są głównie ziemią i kamieniami. Lubią tą porowatość zabudowy, te dziury zarośnięte gęstą zielenią lub te piętrzące się dachy ze słomy. Nikt i nic nie odgradza się za bardzo, wiadomo bowiem, że piasek i ciepło zawsze wszędzie dotrą. Podoba mi się też lokalna niebinarność urody, która bierze się jednocześnie z z obecności miękkiej męskości i kamiennej, wytrwałej kobiecości. Patriarchat wychodzi najmocniej w grupach, w porządkach rodzinnych, które widuje głównie na plaży w ciągu dnia. Plaża bardzo mnie absorbuje - dużo czasu spędzam rozglądając się, gapiąc, obserwując. Patrzę na ciała, ruchy, energie, akcesoria. Jestem świadkiem niekończącego się spektaklu plażowania, który nie przestaje być jednym z moich ulubionych punktów obserwacyjnych tego wieku.
[Warwin] I remember seeing her once before but the memory is somewhat blurry and odd. Perhaps I wasn't in the right head. A lot of time has passed since she wouldn't come and I also wasn't expecting her since we met in what could be described as occassional circumstances. There's been continuously less and less water.
[Tamaya] I thought I was done, like this is it. Recent days had been a signal but I didn't listen. I was stubborn, and smart and now I'm drowning. I can't move my legs, my pelvis is numb. And I'm not even thinking any of this, I'm screaming under water, this contained rage finally flooding my immediate surroundings.
[Shell]
The space of study feels so unavailable right now. I'm trying way too hard. I think I can control things but all I can decide about is the thickness and how pronounced my lip is.
We look for mirrors, we hold them up checking if we're still here. hey, we're here. we have survived another, we have lived through another bundle of time. how fortunate, how predictable, how surprising. I try to hold onto you cause I see others holding each other but you don't respond so I feel alone and eventually find company in the solitude of observation: birds diving for fishes, beach giggles, lovers, rocks, perfumed teen boys, girls pulling out their bikini bottoms from between their butt cheeks. No romance will come out of it yet romance underlines it all. I love falling in love, it's my favourite things, please let me fall in love with you again and again. 2025 is gonna be a violent year. I love texting also. The suspense of an answer, like a prolonged conversation, like edging. Keep on writing. Keep on writing me. Listened to Max Porter talk, envied some butt cheeks. I'm not hungry at all.