I feel so sad since Thursday. It's confusing what has happened. I
didn't realise you were counting on me this way. In a way I felt that
I was just helping out, like me leaving would be a bit annoying
practically but in the end wouldn't change so much. I didn't
realise I was important to you. You should have told me. But also now I
see that you did, in your own way. I just didn't catch it quick
enough. (Verbality can be real helpful at times.)
I am filled now with this strange feeling where I was just sure about
wanting one thing and now I want the exact opposite. (how fucking Pieces
of me)
I want to say 'I'm sorry' and I want to say 'forgive
me'; I want to say all the words that draw a pleading as an attempt to
reverse the course of our shared experience which cannot be done.
So instead I'm saying 'let's talk about it.'